I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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