with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
