im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
