Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
we're so committed to being not committed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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