yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
