I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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