You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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