i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
