i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
