I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Someone signed my nipple.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
