yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
