sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
