dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
