One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You made out with two different species that night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
