I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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