Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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