Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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