I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
