dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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