Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You ate ashes out of my bong
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
