i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
