For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize