i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
