so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
