He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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