ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
