Apparently you make a good broom.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
