this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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