the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
