Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
