sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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