Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize