Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
