direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
