When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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