Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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