I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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