I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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