if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
