we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
