Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
