he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
