I want to stick my p in your. b.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
