I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
