Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
