ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
