he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
