It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
