I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
