when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
