There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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