After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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