do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
