I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
