You can't special order awesome
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
