we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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