I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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