Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
