Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
