All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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