So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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