i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
