i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
