it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We need to rekindle our bromance
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
