You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
