I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
