ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
