I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
