Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
