remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
