Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
