If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
