Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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